An understandably upset customer called yesterday....very upset

Customer: "Mr Manager, I was in another of your stores last night and was upset when I found out that my checking account was frozen due to someone using my license in your store with another check. I want it fixed, it is not my responsibility and you need to correct it"

Me: "Well, I have an 800 number you can call and they will take care of all your problems. It's that simple"

Customer: "I already dealt with those idiots and I am not going to go through that. I want you to fix it. They told me that you, the manager, can have it fixed, so fix it."

Me: "Yes m'am, not a problem. I will call you back in a couple of minutes as soon as I get this resolved for you"

I quickly dialed the 800 number for Scan Data and began the conversation that sucked me into hell. On the other end was a curteous young man, international it seemed, due to his struggling to understand my Alabama redneck twang. He obviously was not from anywhere I have been.

Scan rep Troy: "Thank you for calling Scan. My name is Troy, how may I help you today?"

Me: "Troy, I am the manager of this store in Alabama and I need to help a customer get a check freeze taken out of the system."

Scan rep Troy: "I am sorry, please have the customer call our toll free number, we can only deal with them."

Me: "Well Troy, she did that and was told that I had to call to fix it."

Scan rep Troy: "If you are not the person on the check we can not help you. Please have the customer call us and we will work to help her."

Me: "Troy, as I said earlier, she tried that and you were not able to help."

Scan rep Troy: "I am sorry sir, but I cannot help you."

Me: "OK, some help you are, bye"

I then call the customer.

Me: "Mrs Customer, I contacted Scan and they informed me that you must call, and I would not be able to help from my end."

Customer: "I am not going to call them again. I was given a name and operator number for you to use, would that help?"

Me: (Well, duh!) "Yes m'am, if you could give that to me, I think I can fix this"

After getting the key to the mission, I then call Scan. Guess who answers the phone?

Scan rep: "Thank you for calling Scan. My name is Troy, how may I help you today?"

Me: "Hello Troy, this is the fellow that just called you a minute ago about a check from Alabama. I need to speak to a certain operator about this check, could you please put me in touch with operator 4180."

Scan rep Troy: "I am sorry sir, but do you have a reference number for your previous call?"

Me: "No, I don't think I do. In fact, you didn't give me one. Do you remember giving me one? You do remember me calling you a couple of minutes ago?"

Scan rep Troy: "I am sorry sir, I am unable to help you without your reference number>"

Me: "Troy, you did not give me a number. If you did, I would give it to you. Now, forget the number and lets fix this problem."

Scan rep Troy: "Ok sir, let me look on my computer and see if I have any records of you calling"

Me: (Is this guy stupid or a real pro in getting people off the phone) "OK"

Scan rep Troy: "OK sir, I have found it, how may I help you"

Me: "Troy, do I have to explain this again. Just give me operator 4180, her name is Alicia."

Scan rep Troy: "I am sorry sir, but you are not allowed to speak with her"

Me: (Shaking my head) "What do you mean I am not allowed to speak with her? Does she work there? I was given this number by the customer as a reference point, which she obviously gave out, now I demand to speak to her"

Scan rep Troy: "I am sorry sir, but you are unable to speak with her"

Me: "Troy, I have had enough. Tell me what I need to do to fix this account, who do I need to speak with?"

Scan rep Troy: "Sir, if you call this other 800 number for national account customer service, they can help you"

Me: "Thank you, it's about time"

I hang up and quickly dial the new number, blood pressure lowering, knowing that I am finally going to get this over and my life can move on.

Account rep: "Thank you for calling National Accounts. My name is Troy, how may I help you today?"

Me: (About to reach through the phone and choke someone. Heck, I am glad noone was near me, I might have chocked them!) "Troy, it's me again. Why did you give me another number? I can only hope you remember me from three seconds ago. Are you going to fix this ladies check this time?"

Account rep Troy: "I need you password please"

Me: (It is too late. The cork just popped) "Damn you Troy, do you remember giving me a freakin password? No, you did not give me a password. You never mentioned that when I had to call you back on another line that I needed a password, Troy."

Account rep Troy: "I am sorry sir, I will not be able to help you on this line without a password"

Me: (Trying to reel my sanity back in, realizing I am aruging with a live version of an automated machine) "Troy, I want to speak to your supervisor. I know you have to have a supervisor. I hear other voices in the background, so get your supervisor on the phone, right now!"

Account rep Troy: "Just a minute sir, I will try."

Scan rep sup:"Hello, thank you for calling Scan, my name is Alicia, how may I help you today"

Me: (Quick, call me an ambulance, I am dying!) "Alicia, is this Alicia, operator #4190?"

Scan rep sup: "Yes sir, it is, how may I help you?"

Me: "Alicia, first I need to know why Troy would not let me speak to you when I specifically asked for you by name and number? Never mind. I don't really care. I am so fed up at this point. Alcia, I need help in correcting a problem with a customers checking account. Will you be able to help me?"

Scan rep sup: "Do you have a password? I will need your password to help you today sir"

Me: (A low growl starts to emerge, I begin to think I now know the meaning of the matrix. I am caught in a phone version so twisted, that it has to all be in my mind, this can't be real. How do I find a way out?) "Alysia, permit me to comment on the fine service your company has offered to me today. You guys don't have a clue. You are the most brainless people I have ever dealt with. I can't take anymore, have a great day pretending that you are a person, goodbye"

Scan rep sup: "Thank you for calling sir"

At that point I hung up the phone. Thirty minutes spent in phone hell. My blood pressure was beyond control. I stewed for a while before calling my customer back. I apologized to her for apparantely going through her own version of phone hell. She laughed at me only after knowing I had delved deeper than any human before me. After working from another direction I eventually was able to take care of my customer and resolve her issues.

My lesson from this episode, to anyone that may stumble across this. I know while most of you hate corporate answering systems, be calm, be patient and remember, that Troy and Alicia are out there, lurking, waiting for you to call.