Ok...the family leaves to go out of town. Making sure that I have just the basic survival foods, I am left a fine selection of what can be construed as food. Food in a can, that is. You know, the beef stew, the chicken and dumplings, and other fine delectable cuisines available in cans. I walk in the door from another unreasonably long day, thinking all the way home of all the wonderful choices I have for dinner.
I walked into the kitchen, reach into the pantry and go for the surprise selection. I reach in the cabinet and pull out the first available can that I am able to put my hand on. With such fine choices, why debate myself, just go with it and get the food ready to go. I quickly walk with my dinner of choice to the counter and place in position to begin to open it. I set my pan on the counter, and then open the utensil drawer in search of a can opener. I scan the drawer, not seeing the tool of my search. I move things around thinking it may be overlooking it. But no, it is not to be found. I then check the drawer next to it, but again, no opener.
Then it strikes me, maybe it is an electric one that is hanging under a counter. I know that sometime in my past, in some kitchen, I have installed one of those fine gadgets. I looked under each cabinet, only to realize, it must not have been this house. Standing there dazed, I then snatch open the dishwasher, knowing it must be in there, but that I failed to return it to it's proper place. Again, it is not to be found.
Ok, time for one of my Zen moments. Time to go upstairs, change my clothes, take my mind off of the problem in front of me, and let the solution deliver itself to me. Works every time, but not this time. I change clothes, run back downstairs, only to stand there in the middle of the kitchen, with no can opener.
It's time for help. I made my stupid man decision of the night. I call my wife, way out in California. She answers and I start, "Hey baby, I have a question. If I were a can opener, what would I look like and where would I be?" Instantly there is a little snicker coming from the phone. "Look in the utensil drawer, over next to the knives, and there is a black handled can opener.", she then tells me, I looked again, only to see what looks like a new fangled, plastic handled nut cracker or ice crusher.
Wrong!!!
I tell her of my discovery and the laughter gets somewhat louder and faster. "That is the can opener." Oh, I think to myself. How stupid. I then pick it up and like a monkey who has a tool and has no clue what the hell is in it's grasp, I turn it over and over, moving it close to my face and back away. I laid it on the can, hoping it would magically open my dinner, but that didn't work either. She keeps asking me if I have found it. I stay quiet, not wanting her to know. I tried and tried, but I can't figure out how this damned gadget works. Then it happens, from the phone, "Baby, the kids can do it." Somehow, using that woman sense of hers, she knows I am totally lost. The howling has begun on the other side. It won't stop.
"You know what honey, I don't think I really want this. Hot dogs are what I really want." I now fear that she is going to pass out, from her sudden lack of ability to breath oxygen in. This is the first time I have ever thought that laughter could actually kill a person. I then thanked her for her help, quickly say my goodbys and hung up the phone.
So here I sit, one hour later, typing my thoughts regarding this valuable lesson in life.
Hot dogs always taste better with relish.
Posted at 07:21 pm by
AnotherMan
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Furzl
September 13, 2005 07:28 AM PDT
LMAO. Still wondering why I could not for the life of me find a bottle opener two days ago. |
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mishel
August 25, 2005 09:48 AM PDT
good page http://www.g888.com |
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eyeless
August 18, 2005 02:15 PM PDT
an interesting tale. and the device i know. i was at one time my enemy, but alas, now it is my treasure.
dont worry, i never make sence |
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inga
August 14, 2005 08:01 PM PDT
i love the monkey line.
reminds me of someone...just can't remember who.
tonight i hear my little one crying in his room, "the sun went down *sob*. now i have to get in my firetruck (=bed)." |
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cb
August 14, 2005 12:43 AM PDT
I too, have this can opener. I too immediately rid myself of the electric one in favor of it - just as soon as I figured it out. |
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AnotherMan
July 27, 2005 12:32 PM PDT
...a lesson? ok, I'm ready...lol |
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Bobbyjohn
July 27, 2005 12:32 AM PDT
I know this can opener. It lives in my drawer. My friend Coco had one and I looked like a fool trying to figure it out. Once I got the hang of it, I liked it so much I took the electric one out of the kitchen and bought one for myself. There really is a trick to it. Don't feel bad, you just need a lesson. |
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